I want to share some words about Earl Simmons, better known as DMX, as an artist and as a person. This might be a little tangled and disjointed, since there are so many swirling thoughts I have about this man. But first, I’ve got a wild little story to share.
I was out driving at probably, 11:30ish, stopped at a red light, when I saw the news of DMX’s passing come across my Twitter timeline. Now, I want to preface this with something that a lot of you already know. That is, that I’m not a religious or spiritual person in the slightest. So, that entire morning, the sky was an eerie combination of gray and black cloud cover, but there hadn’t been much rain. I mean this as literally as possible: At the exact same moment that I read the news, give or take a second or two, the sky just absolutely opened up, giving way to a torrential downpour. I’m not one to say this was some sort of sign, but even as skeptical I am, a coincidence like really hit me in the chest. His music was the perfect soundtrack to the rest of the gloomy day, as thoughts about his story, music and life flooded my head.
I don’t think that there has ever been an artist in the mainstream, or otherwise, that was as true to themselves as DMX was. Think about this, in an era where Puff Daddy just went 7x platinum and rap was poppier than ever, where the fuck did DMX’s music fit in? He burst onto the scene with a classic album, which included tracks exploring brutal murders, rapes, robberies, poverty, religion, faith, as well as literal conversations with a Devil and God character. DMX played all of them to a tee because he truly embodied all of them at the same time. Earl, X, the Devil and God all lived within him at all times, and much of his music felt like the literal battles they partook in. That shit debuted at number one, and then he dropped another album 6 months later that did even more numbers. Then he did the same with his third. It’s an insane run that a lot of people never really clock.
His best gift was his ability to pull you into his world. This was a world where he was birthed into mud so thick and deep, it looked like blood. He was a man who identified with the Devil, but wanted nothing more than for God to forgive him and finally lead him out of the absolute fucking hell he’s been born into.
Speaking of being born into hell, let’s quickly run down some of the more horrific moments of his youth and practice a little empathy, because it’s going to be useful in a second. First, his father wished for Earl to be aborted, and as soon as he found out that Earl was indeed born, he cut off all contact with the family. DMX would often be beaten so badly by his mother that he would be missing teeth. This lead to his sneaking out in the middle of the night, where he ended up finding some of his only “friends” in packs of stray dogs on the streets of Yonkers, New York.
He was hit by a car, where the man that hit him offered his mother $10,000 so they wouldn’t take him to court. She refused, because, in line with her faith as a Jehovah’s Witness, she couldn’t accept hand outs. When he was 14, his future mentor who actually got him into rap, laced a blunt with crack without ever telling DMX about it.
I mention a lot of this, because I think it’s important when touching on this next part, which feels necessary to touch on, especially since I will be recommending so much of his music at the end of this. DMX was a nearly indescribably complicated person, and never once pretended to be a role model or even a “good” person overall through his music. In this way, he often expressed some disgusting, violently homophobic beliefs, often using a particularly horrible slur that I don’t think needs to be written out fully here.
I’ve already seen the discourse online of people trying to strictly focus on this aspect of his music and life. Saying things like, “well it’s the 90’s and everyone said it,” or just excusing it because they’re homophobes themselves. It is true it was an unfortunately common word in rap music at the time. That doesn’t make it okay, though. There is a pretty crucial way that I think that aspect of his character can be understood, while still not excusing it.
So, put yourself in a young Earl Simmons’ shoes for a second. You are going through everything I mentioned in the paragraph above. You may get another tooth knocked out by your mother after she found out that you were out all night running through alley ways with stray dogs, who you’ve begun to identify with more than the people in your life. You just accidentally smoked crack at the age of 14, and your mother just denied a potentially life changing amount of money after you were hit by a car. It’s pretty hard for me to see where there would have been an onus put on understanding the complexities of homosexual relationships, if I am being completely honest. Couple all of that with his religious upbringing and the overall push to be as hard and masculine as possible in the hopes of simply surviving, it isn’t all that surprising, even if it’s still gross and adds a level of unnecessary hate to his music that already exudes so much hate.
It’s easy for myself, a white kid from the suburbs, to expose myself to different ideas, when I’ve never had to worry about the basic things DMX did. There is no world where I would be the same person that I am if I lived a similar like to his. I really do think that is important to think about when remembering artists like him, especially when there are things that so diametrically oppose what I, and you, believe in. I can’t say if he ever changed any of these beliefs, but I felt like this was something that needed to be touched on given the inclusion of that slur in a good number of his songs. If it overshadows the rest of the music for you, I get it. I do firmly believe there is so much merit in what he does with the rest of his music, but does need to be reckoned with in some regard.
The songs I’ve included below do a great job of showing all of the best, and worst sides of DMX, which feels like the exact goal of his music in general. He invited the interrogation of his character, but only once you’ve put in some effort to understand where he is coming from. He painted simple, to the point, yet violently vivid pictures. He had one of the most distinct voices in all of music. He embodied his dog persona so aggressively, it often came off like he was playing a character. But it wasn’t that he was playing a character, it’s that he was simply overflowing with character and charisma. He was tortured, in so much pain that he had almost no choice but to share with the world. Even at his most tender and subdued, it still feels like he’s dragging you deeper and deeper into the mud and dirt that has always consumed him.
There was and never will be another DMX. He was such a singularly unique individual who people could identify with. He had a song that sampled Phil Collins on one record, then somehow got Mary J Blige and Marilyn Manson on his next record. He had Jay Z questioning his own skills when the crowd at a freestyle was feeling DMX more. He made songs for the radio; For the club; For the streets; For his own well-being, where he explores the deepest, darkest parts of his own mind. He was never ashamed to be who he was, and was more willing to share every aspect of his character; Someone who struggled with drug addiction, manic depression, paranoia, and a host of other mental health issues. He battled his demons in the open, and I think a lot of people respected that at the end of the day.
Rest in Peace Earl, and I hope he was able to find some sort of peace near the end of his life. Regardless of his flaws, crimes and wrongdoings, he seemingly always showed the desire to better himself, even if he never made as much tangible progress as we all wanted for him. From a few videos I saw within the last year, he seemed happier. It was nice to the videos of him smiling and enjoying time with his family. I feel for all of his 15 kids, and all the rest of his family. Even with all of his worst characteristics out in the open, just about everyone wanted nothing but happiness for him. And I really do think that says a lot about who he really was as a person. For those that get him, he’ll always resonate like a dog’s bark in an alley way.
And for a bit of levity at the end of this, I’d also like to thank DMX for creating It’s Dark and Hell is Hot and Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood almost exclusively for giving me the perfect soundtrack to write my final papers of my senior year in college. Those albums had enough rabid energy that the coffee and adderall induced sweats I was going through felt unnecessary.
I’ll leave you with two of the most illuminating lyrics when it comes to understanding DMX, as well as links to my favorite songs of his below: (You’ll notice they’re mostly from his first two albums, so maybe just go listen to It’s Dark and Hell is Hot and Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood all the way through. They’re near perfect)
“Feel the pain, feel the joy, of a man who was never a boy”-
“This is hell, come meet the Devil and give me the key
But it can’t be worse than the curse that was given to me
It’s what I live for, you take away that and I’m gone
There’s a difference between doin’ wrong and bein’ wrong“–